I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
