Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
