i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
