God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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