Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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