Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
