Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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