Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
