hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
