im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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