My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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