i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
