we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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