hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
