I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
