All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are all done wearing pants today
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
