I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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