I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
