Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
