i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
