i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want to be your penis for a week.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
