i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
