just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
