Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
