I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
