I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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