All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
