He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize