How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
