I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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