Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
