I wish I could punch you in the face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
