I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
