It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
