I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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