He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
