im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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