Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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