So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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