ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
vagina is talking i cant
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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