so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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