just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
