my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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