we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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