I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
