what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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