it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
