If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
