he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
try to milk me bitch
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