So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
