I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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