yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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