I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
