just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
