Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
