just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
