were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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