Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
