he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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