so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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