I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
