i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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