What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
