seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize