is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
