i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
